My Desperate Wish
by littledoggy
Summary: A simple wish to be free...Natsume's POV. ONESHOT


My first attempt at a one-shot focused fully on one person. I sure hope it is okay, but I am no judge. Oh well. Here goes…!

**SUMMARY**

A simple wish to be free…Natsume's POV.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. Simple as that**.

This one-shot is from Natsume's point of view.

…

**Wish**

…

Dark. So dark.

I cannot see.

Here I am, crouching alone amid the darkness that engulfs me. My eyes search frantically here and there for a way out of this godforsaken tunnel. It does not seem to end, only stretch as far as my eye could see.

My friends beseech me to come to them, calling desperately from outside this hellhole. I try, you know. I really do. But all I see is ink-black darkness.

"Natsume," they call. My heart aches to answer them, to warm their hearts with a smile. I cannot see them, and they cannot see me. Their voices are all that reach me. Knowing that they care for me is the greatest gift God could ever give me. In fact, it is the only thought that keeps me sane.

I desperately crave their friendship, but I am helpless to heed their call. Oh yes, they were willing to proffer a helping hand. It is I who had hesitated.

True, I want them. It is what I wish for the most, even more than the others. Yet I hesitate. Why, you ask?

I am in a tunnel with no way out. It was so huge, I can neither touch the top nor the sides. All I see is inky blackness every time I crane my neck to look for an opening to escape from this pit. I am but a small speck in this cursed darkness, a lost soul yearning to be free.

I am lonely. Very lonely. There is no one here with me. I continuously push them away, no matter how badly it hurts. Big fat tears leak out of dulled flames that represent my eyes every time I do so.

It hurts, you know. It hurts very much. The pain is almost too much for me to endure. Sometimes I wish I can just die and leave all that suffering behind, floating serenely in oblivion.

But I have to do this. I cannot allow them to be sucked into the current torture I am in. The darkness will devour them before I can blink. No, I cannot allow that. Let them live their lives out there, free of this place.

Free of loneliness…

Free of _me_.

I am but a puppet, after all. A killing machine for Gakuen Alice. Do you know how much I hate it? The sight of blood and gore on my hands…the reek of blood on my clothes…. These will never go away, no matter how hard I scrub. They will remain there forever to haunt me, reminding me of their deaths. The deaths _I_ had brought about. I am helpless. It is my duty to slay them. The crackle of skin and flesh being barbequed is very painful to my ears. Blood drip into the flames I summoned, free of restraints that previously bound them.

My heart screams at me to stop this, stop all this madness. Let it go, and be free.

But who will take my place? Who will be the next person to undergo this absolute torture?

I cannot allow my friends to take up this horrible post. As much as I detest it, their safety and joy is my priority. It does not matter that I do not see them, nor they me. Nothing must get in the way of their happiness.

I am utterly alone. I am tired of pushing my friends away. Can all this end? My body screams with exhaustion, and my eyelids struggle to close, to submit myself to eternal darkness.

Yet something nags at me. Something gnaws at my insides, refusing to allow me to relent. Even as I lie there on all fours, I can do naught but wish to be free.

I want to spread my wings and soar joyfully in the air, joining my friends as they frolic on grassy plains. Their laughter is like the tinkling of bells, chiming in reply to an invisible breeze. The same imaginary wind caresses my hair and puffs playfully at my face.

My friends chatter happily, cheery smiles gracing their rosy faces. Their eyes sparkle with zest and life as they look at me. I smile warmly in return, translucent wings folding neatly behind my back.

"Natsume, join us!" they chorus, arms open in welcome. My smile grows wider and I nod. I open my mouth to reply, but nothing comes out.

All of a sudden my paradise crumbles, leaving me alone once more in total darkness. Once again I am painfully reminded of my bleak future, and I seek to cry into someone's reassuring hug.

My barrier is breaking down. I can hold my emotions in no longer. It does not matter anyway. No one can hear me cry.

My howls reverberate throughout this bottomless void. No one hears it, of course. I am utterly alone. Painfully so, if I may add.

My will is breaking, my strength waning. I am at the brink of caving in to the darkness that envelopes me. My mind and body can only hold so much before it shatters. My soul is tainted with an inky blackness that will never fade. The deaths of many will haunt my memory forever.

I am too tired even to scream. My ruby red eyes start to close. Tired…so tired. If only I can let it go…but the darkness binds me to it, reluctant to set me free.

I am powerless against it. I am fighting a losing battle. Sooner or later I must give in and succumb to my inevitable fate.

Even so, I never fail to hope. An extra boost of energy surges through my torso each time my friends call out to me, strengthening what is left of my wasted soul. I will continue to hold on to that, however faint it may be.

However, nothing lasts forever.

My hope fades with each passing day, no matter how hard I try to hold on to it. My friends call to me less frequently, quashing my only relief. Darkness presses onto me. Slowly but surely, it is eating away at me. I know it is only a matter of time before I am finished forever.

I hate to say this, but I give up. I am too tired to push my friends away any longer. Nothing will hinder them should they ever decide to approach me once more and shower me with warmth.

I have waited for some time now. Yet no one comes. They have lost hope that I can be saved, giving up any hope of pulling me out of my shell. They gave me up as a lost cause.

So here I am, stranded in this pit, fated to spend the remainder of my days alone. My hands scrabble against unseen dirt. I cannot see my fingers, nor the dirt that decorates them. I am spiraling towards the darkness, never to return.

At this rate, I might even welcome it as a relief. I have lived a wasted life. There is no one to accompany me here.

Yet the flame of hope in my chest never ceases to burn. I am still waiting for my saviour. He or she will be my salvation. Perhaps that person will show me the way out of my suffering, maybe even light the way for me.

I am still awaiting that person who is fated to shine in my heart. The one who will enter my defenses and embrace the darkness with me. With him or her, the darkness is diminished, kissed away by that person's mere presence.

Even though I cannot see it, I can feel it. The presence is there, ever ready to lend a helping hand. It is only awaiting my request.

I long to call out, to be with it. Sadly, my body refuses to cooperate. My throat refuses to work to call out a simple cry for help. Yet I preserver, for I know, it will always be there for me.

I can sense it working at the outer shell of this tunnel, slowly hacking its way in. Day by day, the walls that restrain me grow thinner until it is stretched tautly across its skeleton. Soon it will break, and light shall shine into my heart. I shall bask in it, finally breaking free of my cage.

Perhaps that person would greet me with a smile, and perhaps even a hug.

For now, this is all an unreachable fantasy. All I can do is watch as the elastic wall is stretched thinner. Another miniscule crack appears in the wall with each passing day. Light is starting to infiltrate this musty tunnel, bringing with it warmth and joy.

Ah…happiness. I have never felt as such. I have only experienced dejection and anger, never elation.

The small crack is growing ever larger. I watch it eagerly, bound by the darkness that surrounds me. Its power is hacked by the light, and soon it shall be the one that breaks. Meanwhile, I shall keep my hopes up and try my best to last until the day of freedom is here.

I can feel the darkness writhing in discomfort as the unwelcome light. Contradictory to it, I bask blissfully in the glow, a warm smile tugging at my lips.

Chips start to fly from the rubble. The hold darkness has over me begins to waver as I grow stronger once more. It is nice to know that someone is willing to come this far, just for me.

I wonder…

Who is the person outside the crevice of darkness that is consuming me...?

',',

…Review?


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